I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need to sanitize my soul.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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