so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
