Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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