Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
