Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
