I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
