I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
