I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
