If that was your dad, he is hot
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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