she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
