Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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