Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
