Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i would punch a child for taco bell
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
