i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
