In the future we'll all be gay
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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