I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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