someone get that fucking seahorse.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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