I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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