My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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