she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
