it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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