I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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