I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
