this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
