I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
