you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
