Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
