you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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