hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
