I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
