Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
