I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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