big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
