so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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