come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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