Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
