she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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