I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
