he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
