38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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