i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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