just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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