I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
