He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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