You just made me feel so damn special
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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