I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
