Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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