Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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