and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
