Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
