so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
