don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
