did you get engaged???
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
pray to the hookup gods
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
