I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My penis needs a shock collar
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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