Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
